Teaching In Socks

Dairy Disaster
March 17, 2009, 5:20 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: ,

As inevitable as Manifest Destiny and the failure of communism, another language disaster has wreaked it’s havoc on my otherwise peaceful and uneventful existence.

This episode began when, in a rather suspicious turn of events, my local mega-grocer sold out of, or more likely removed for health and safety precautions, my regular brand of milk.

Due to my vicious cereal addiction (serial cereal eater?) and the fresh box of Frosted Flakes already in my cart, I was forced to seek out a new brand of milk.

Sadly, while I can read the word “milk” in Japanese, my comprehension of the surrounding milk variables is rather insufficient. The only reliable clues available to me for any sort of scientific determination of  a suitable replacement brand can be summed up accordingly:

1. Is it in the dairy section?
2. Does it have the word “milk” on the carton?
3. Is their a picture of a cow of the carton?

Using this elaborate criterion, I settled on two specific brands. I then determined one to be superior (read: safer) than the other based on the fact that it had a picture of Hokkaido accompanying the logo. Hokkaido is Northern-most island of Japan and is for all intensive purposes the Wisconsin of Japan. (Wear that title with pride Hokkaido!)

The following morning, after a shower, I confidently put the great experiment into action.

Despite passing the visual consistency and basic waft/odor tests, the flavor phase–really the point of the entire experiment, was a gigantic failure. Be aware that this determination is coming from a man who ate temperature tampered organic strawberry yogurt on several occasions last summer and voiced only a minor internal complaint.

Despite having insufficient to illustrate the gustatory torture, I will say it tasted like cereal sugar, lemon-lime gatorade, orange juice, and a hint of generic dairy creamer mixing in my mouth all at once. I realize that previous description may sound like a tasty, albeit low-budget, citrus dessert (don’t get any ideas Sonic!) but really it was awful.

Gag-inducing, and entire-bowl-of-cereal-wasting bad.

If I had to sum it up as asccintly as possible I would have to say it tasted “weapons grade”.

I’m still not sure what the substance I bought was, but it certainly wasn’t milk.

While I lived, this experience reminded that I need to learn some Kanji and not make decisions based on guesses when it comes to milk or meats; it’s no different than entering the minotaur’s maze without any string.


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